Thar she blows!

Tissues. And all associated problems.
As we are creeping ever closer to hay fever weather and serious nasal manipulation, I would like to discuss nose blowing and tissues.
I have never quite understood the gentle blowers.....the ones that get out a hanky/tissue and go "pffffff pfffff" (I would write this in a smaller font if I were able). When I blow my nose, I want windows to vibrate, small children to cower in fear, and a noise that roughly resembles the QE2 coming into dock.
If you don't use enough force, you run the risk of:
1) A bat in the cave. (A rogue bogey clinging to the new crop of nasal hair that I am currently cultivating)
2) Drippage. (It could ruin my Chanel silk blouse.)
3) An unholy combination of the two.
This brings us nicely to the tissue part of the equation.
I like me a generously sized and triple plied tissue. The only issue is, after blowing, do you dispose of said beast (which is wasteful as at least half of it is clean and dry) or do you tuck it away for use later in the day. Well, unless you are Jeff Bezos (who probably has someone on active nose blowing duty to take care of it) most of us will opt for the latter.
So where do you tuck the tissue? In my case, the ideal place is under the bra on the breastbone. The problem with this is I generally have to be stapled into my underwear, so it can become uncomfortable over time. So I return the to old favourite: the sleeve.
Unfortunately, the tissue has a tendency to migrate. But rather than travelling two centimetres and coming out of your hand hole, it magically overcomes the laws of physics and gravity, and quietly sneaks up your arm. Once past the Hairy Armpit of Death, rather like the rogue piece of laundry that I spoke of before, it positions itself in the most unflattering and awkward place possible. Generally, the only time you become aware of it, is when you sense moisture in a previously unmoist area, and like a snail, it has traversed your person, leaving an unwanted trail of mucus in it's wake.
Because of this, I am considering the art of nose blowing perfected by boxers and footballers.
You know of what I speak....clear the area, she's about to blow!!

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published